A group of elderly Beijingers were out in front of the Guangdong government office in Beijing protesting their southern compatriots’ cat consumption habits. They held red banners that read: “水煮活猫,” which translates roughly into “poached live cat,” a play on 水煮活鱼. They wept and held photos of cats in cramped up in wooden crates. Pleading the Guangdong officials to tighten up laws on the tabby trade, their protest was not only ineffective, but ridiculous.

There is no doubt that the majority, if not all, of the protestors are hard-core meat eaters. And I would bet that there is a dozen dog hot-pot restaurants in their neighborhood they are not protesting against. How can these hypoctires draw a line between cat meat and dog meat? Seriously, in a city where you can eat donkey, dog, and baby birds, it is unreasonable and illogical to distinguish a moral hierarchy between the furry critters we eat.

If anything, we should choose from one of three (maybe four, if you are one of those wacky vegans) paths of food comsumption. 1) Eat a strictly vegetarian diet. This gives you the moral high-ground to criticize and protest others that participate in the slaughter of animals. 2) Eating the meat of animals that are up to ecologically sustainable standards (grass fed, free range, hormone-free, etc.). 3) Eat anything and everything. This is a slippery slope that gives no moral ground for critisizing or protesting. My guess is that these protesters fall closest to category three, but they will still say things as ridiculous as: “These cats, they are like our children. We can’t let these people do this to them.”

Burn in 地狱, Guangdong cannibals!

It has come to the attention to some of the Laonei staff that the new logo, which  is a “内” written in the seal-style of the Qin Dynasty (篆书- zhuàn shū), looks something a prophylactic and/or phallus. Well, we here at Laonei do not condone the use of sexual imagery for marketing purposes, but we do encourage the use of condoms, whether used for birth control, STD prevention, or water balloons.

With condoms in mind, I headed on over to the Jissbon website and was pleasantly surprised with their “sexual knowledge” section (性知识). I picked up a few new vocabulary words in the process, along with their descriptions in Chinese. Here are just a few (visit the website for a more complete list, though without translations):

安全套 (ān quán tào) - condom

前戏 (qián xì) - foreplay

手淫 (shǒu  yín) - masturbate

舔阴 (tiǎn  yīn) - cunnilingus

吹萧 (chuī  xiāo) - fellatio

G点 (G diǎn) - Need I explain?

69 式 ·体位 (liù  jiǔ  shì  tǐ  wèi) -It’s all about the numbers

A film about Chinese democracy (no, not the new Guns n’ Roses album), Please Vote for Me is a documentary with a  deep look into a 3rd grade class that elects their 班长 (class captain) instead of having the teacher appoint one. The candidates take the whole process very seriously and things get crazy when the parents get involved, who serve as campaign managers for their child’s bid for class monitor.

Check out the clip below or watch the whole film on YouKu.

The Microsoft ‘black screen’ anti-piracy fix has been a topic for debate all over the computerized world. What it does is detect illegitimate or counterfeit versions of Microsoft Windows, turning the PC desktop background black every 60 minutes, displaying notifications urging users to take action and collecting system information on the PC with counterfeit Windows.
As a result, China - one of the world’s largest MS Windows users - is providing plenty of criticism against Microsoft’s so-called invasion of privacy. Undoubtedly, Microsoft should have refined the blackout fix so that legitimate MS software users are not affected (which even happens with legitimate copies of Windows that were not registered or activated). With over 80% of PC software used in China being counterfeit (Business Software Alliance), these complaints do sound outrageous. To say the least.
Ever heard a story of a thief filing a lawsuit against a home owner that protected his home so well that the thief was injured while trying to rob the house? And – whether an old urban legend or true – this story does pose the question: If you break the law, are you really in a position to complain when you don’t like the consequences? Is the concept of intellectual property really that hard to grasp?

It’s a simple matter of cause and effect: if you do something you know is wrong by definition, you better be ready for retribution. Reasons like “they are being unfair” or “this is an invasion of privacy” do not change the fact that the majority of computers sold in China are loaded with pirated software.
From criticizing the effects, let’s look at the cause. Let’s look at how much money Microsoft is losing annually in China alone. Does Microsoft not have the right to protect their interests?
So to those who think themselves immune from consequences of their actions: think about it. Once the cause and effect are in their proper place, it is fairly clear who’s to blame.