What do you think when you hear the word ‘hot springs?’ An idyllic mountain-side setting with natural hot springs heated by subterranean volcanic activity? Me too. But, here in Beijing, there are only hot springs with Chinese characteristics.
We arrived at a building big enough to house the entire Boeing 747 plant. It seemed that it was commonplace to the Chinese visitors of this ‘hot spring,’ but I stood there, jaw agape, wondering which overblown casino in Las Vegas the architect was trying to outdo. This was Xanadu, Atlantis, The Great Hall of The People, and The Forbidden City all wrapped in one enormous tribute to the Chinese Water Gods. But somehow this escaped the Chinese patrons of Hot Spring Leisure City (温都水城).
The men strolled in with their uber-tight, boxer brief swimwear ready to be treated like the emperor himself. The women, mostly in unsightly one piece swimsuits lingered in the steaming hot pools filled with various Chinese medicinal herbs. But there was something for everyone at Leisure City.
A gargantuan wave pool was filled with swimcapped youth that flailed about as the miniature waves crashed into them. When they turned off the wave-making machine there was lap swimming for the few patrons that learned how to do a little more than doggy paddle. Towering above the massive wave pool was an impressive, yet dangerous looking jungle gym that was off limits that day, perhaps as a result of an gory injury the day before. On the other side of the pool were two rather impressive water slides: The Space Bowl and the Rafter’s Plunge! Neither were open for any extended amount of time, as the lifeguards seemed too lazy or too few to babysit the hordes of unacquainted water-slide goers. But these slides were definitely up to par. The Space Bowl left me with raspberries on my arms from the high speed friction, but was definitely worth it as I was shot out of tube into a bowl that had me spinning around 3 or 4 times before plunging into the pool below.
To get to the ‘hot springs’ one had to pass through a corridor lined with subpar Chinese fare. And upon entering the hot spring zone, a hard-to-place scent of cigarettes smoke, Chinese herbs and vinegar penetrated my nostrils. The walls were made of faux stalactites and lined with a jungle of plastic trees. In the center of the complex was the sole outdoor hot spring sheltered by a bamboo roof and surrounded by the intense humming sound of ventilation fans. The hot springs were exactly that, hot! Soaking in any one of the tubs was intense to say the least. There were dozens of chubby men with neck to toe lobster-red skin, an obvious sign they were hardcore hot tubbers.
The second floor, just above all of the hot spring action, was the place everyone went to escape the heat and be pampered. There were massive massage lounges, TCM therapy rooms, happy ending parlors, and ‘quiet rooms’ with personal TVs and soft, white electronically reclining lazyboys. There was nothing this place didn’t have. There were even discount cards worth up to 100,000 RMB for the hot spring fanatic.
All in all, Hot Spring Leisure City is the place to be if you have a bit of money to spend and want to soak the day away. And leave the LSD at home because you can get a Hunter S. Thomson-like experience here without the use of mind altering drugs.
The four-piece band, Battles, are lined up to play a kick-ass show at Mao Live House on March 27th. Playing a strange, but stellar sonic synthesis of math-rock, jazz-fusion, and cyber-metal, Battles will be sure to show up the local opening band, PK-14. The Battles’ line-up includes ex-Helmet drummer John Stanier, ex-Don Caballero guitarist Ian Williams, ex-Lynx guitarist Dave Konopka, and Tyondai Braxton, who works wonders on the warped, chilling vocals.
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